A pretty common but controversial conversation amongst couples is this question of “How soon is too soon to start farting in front of your significant other?” Is 6 months too soon? 12 months? Not until you’re married or moved in together? Only on days you didn’t eat eggs?
Well, one thing that’s always frustrated me about this question is that it assumes one thing: that it SHOULD eventually be acceptable.
And you know what I think?
That’s fucking BULLSHIT.
Let me explain why.
Would you ever fart on your first date with someone? No. Why? Because you want impress them, to make a good first impression on them, right? To appear sexy to them, right?
Well, let me ask you this. Do you no longer want to impress your significant/other, your wife or husband? Is it no longer necessary to appear sexy to them, because you’ve been with them “long enough?” Well, this is my answer: HELL NO.
I’d like to be sexy to my significant other forever. I don’t think farting is sexy, so until the day I die, I’m holding that shit in (forgive the pun). I do think puns are sexy, however, so those I let loose 😏.
When I accidentally fart in my sleep, at least it’s a funny accident and we can laugh about it. But that version of the future where we just let farts loose mid-conversation and it’s no big deal and we just accept it as life? Because we’re “comfortable”? Screw that. That’s complacent. That’s my nightmare come true.
Don’t be complacent.
Keep dating your significant other. Keep being sexy, whatever your definition of sexy may be — forever.